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What do you call a fuzzy, round vegan from a southern USA state?

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A Georgia peach.

What did the vegan Mediterranean say when ordering his salad?

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I love oil (olive oil).

How do California vegans say hello?

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What’s soup brocc? (What’s up broccoli).

What did the vegan NY Italian American landlord say about his Japanese tenant in court?

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This gyoza here owes us a lotta money.

Where do vegans get together to eat?

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A veggie table (vegetable).

Why did the vegan settle down?

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They were losing their leaves, it was time to put down roots.

What did the bread-loving vegan say in the morning?

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Carb-pe diem (carpe diem).

What did the vegan soldier use to blend into their environment?

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Chamomile-flage (camouflage).

What did the heartbroken vegan say when he caught his girlfriend cheating?

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She belongs to the community garden.

What do you call a spicy person from manilla?

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A Fila-peño.

What game do carb-loving German children like to play?

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Gluten tag.

What do you call the vegan ABC’s?

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The alfalfa-bet (alphabet).

Alfalfa- photo by Konrad Koller via Unsplash

What do you call a tree that gives high fives?

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A palm tree.

What do you call a fight between a blended apple and orange?

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A juice box.

What did the lentil say to the carrot?

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I’m full of protein and you’re mostly water. Do you even lift bro?

Why was the avocado round but otherwise healthy?

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They’re full of fiber and the good types of fat.

The vegan brought their crush to a pancake house, why didn’t they get a second date?

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They were crepe-y.

Why was the corn farmer lost?

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He was in a maize.

Why does butter think its better than the other groceries?

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It has its own space in the fridge.

What do you call a vegan person who worships Jesus?

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A kale-tholic.

What did the Italian American baker say to the customer who showed up at closing time?

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You think we got focaccia at this time?! baguette about it.

What do you call something that’s forbidden to muslims?

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Taboo-leh.

What’s a mythological vegan animal?

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A uni-corn.

How did the Japanese vegan New Yorker answer the door?

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Wasa-bi.

Which bean are you most likely to see on the ski slopes?

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The snow pea.

What do you call a catholic mass at a church with an Indian majority?

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A masala.

Which vegan food doesn’t sound vegan?

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Tiger nuts.

What did the NY vegan say at the Vietnamese restaurant?

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Pho-get about it.

Why did the vegan take a sick day?

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They falafel (feel awful).

If Shakespeare were a vegan, what would be his most famous line?

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To bean, or not to bean.

What vegetable makes you twirl around and scratch yourself?

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Spinach.

What do you call a Boriqua vegan?

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A plant-to-rican.

What’s the breakfast loving vegan’s favorite band?

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Hall and oates.

What do you call a Greek vegan who works on people’s backs?

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A gyropractor.

Why was the Italian vegan locked out of his house?

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He had gnocchi.

potato gnocchi
Photo by Max Nayman on Unplash.

Why can’t peeled garlic take a joke?

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It is too sensitive. It has no skin!

What did the shoestring fries say to the curly fries?

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Straighten yourself out!

Which Hollywood celebrity is named after a fruit?

Halle Berry.

Why does this starchy vegetable keep following me?

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Because it’s a corn stalk.

Why did the vegan baker lose the spelling bee?

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Because he spelt a word wrong.

Why did the teacher turn the apple into juice? 

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It couldn’t concentrate.

What did the vegan Italian change his name to?

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He went from “Sal” to “Salad”.

What’s the vegan’s favorite ballet?

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The nutcracker.

Why did the vegan’s go to the pottery class in a state of meditation?

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To make a Buddha bowl.

What do you call a vegan who’s good with the ladies?

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Cassavanova.

Why did the teabag turn green after the tea was stirred?

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They had motion sickness.

If the singer Lou Bega became vegan, what would he change his name to?

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Rutabaga.

Why did the vegan call the plumber?

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Their pipes were full of leeks.🧅

What do you call a lawsuit between two Mexicans?

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A tortilla.

What vegan superhero lives in the ocean?

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Aquafaba man.

What did the vegan tire store owner say to his customer?

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The vegan tire store owner has an employee named Gus. He can’t spare a tire, but he can spare a Gus (asparagus).

What do vegans use to lubricate their motors?

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Olive oil.

What is a vegan’s favorite material to use for their home windows?

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Fiberglass.

Why did the toast think the butter was like COVID?

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Because it spread.

What’s the first thing a vegan hears in the morning?

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A bell pepper.

What did the baker say when they were in a rush?

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I’ve got a knead for speed.

What do a loaf of rye and whole wheat do when they get together?

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Break bread.

What did the grape say to the raisin?

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“Dude, drink more water.”

Which fruit is looking forward to the weekend?

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Bananas, because they’re in an ice cream sundae (Sunday).

What was the first plant-based satellite called?

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Spudnik 1.

Why was the pasta transferred to another plate?

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It was noodling around on the job.

Did you know blueberries have a secret identity and also fight crime?

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They’re a superfood.

What kitchen tool is similar to a carnival ride for vegetables?

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The salad spinner.

What do you call corn that listens to Taylor Swift?

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Popcorn.

Why do bakers get up so early?

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They knead to rise before the dough does.

What food did the construction workers use to support the ceiling on the new house?

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Walnuts.

Which veggie loves winter sports?

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A snow pea.

What forms of payment do they accept at the nut store?

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Cashew or charge.

What is the name of the ancient plant-based martial art?

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Tofu.

What do vegans do when they are down on their luck?

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They apply for lemonaid (lemonade).

Which bean gets beat up the most?

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The black-eyed bean.

How did the beans introduce themselves to the other veggies in the salad bowl?

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Soybean (I am bean).

What does a plant-based construction worker use to make sidewalks?

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Pomegranite (pomegranate).

Why is bread so sad and lonely?

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Because it always needs someone to knead it.

What do Hawaiian vegans use to predict the future?

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Taro (tarot) cards.

What food did the vegan interior designer use to hold up the roof?

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Walnuts.

https://youtube.com/shorts/lFzkiyrQjeA

What do you call a millionaire who made his money selling onions?

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A scallion-aire.

What did the vegan say when he was stuck in the traffic jam?

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Come on, man-go.

What did the Chinese chicken say?

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Bok, bok, bok, bok choooy.

Why was the vegan senior citizen chewing on his walking stick?

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Because it was a sugar-cane!

What did the captain of the vegan cruise line say before his ship crashed?

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Iceberg lettuce ahead!

How do vegan gardeners count to four?

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One, two, three, flower.

What’s it called when a large flying lizard is pulling a bag of bananas on the ground for miles?

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Draggin’ fruit (dragonfruit).

Why did the vegan bring bread when he went driving?

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In case he got stuck in a traffic jam.

What’s a dog’s favorite part of a tree?

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The bark.

What was the duck’s favorite snack?

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Peanut butter and quackers.

Why is the mushroom invited to so many parties?

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He’s a fun guy (fungi).

What’s an Italian vegan’s favorite vegetable?

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Escarole.

Why do vegan couples always get permission to get married?

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Because they cantaloupe.

Why was rye bread sent to prison?

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It started a rye-ot (riot).

Why did Jerry leave his job early at the soybean plant?

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It was tempeh-rary.

Why wasn’t the banana included in the fruit bar?

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Because they found him unappealing.

What do you call an old apple?

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A Granny Smith.

Why did the vegan need the Heimlich maneuver during his meal?

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He arti-choked.

What is the yearly wage for a vegan called?

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A celery.

Why was the beet given a record deal?

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They’re a beet boxer.

What did the vegan priest say to his congregation?

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Lettuce pray.

What do you call a girl that loves legumes?

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A chickpea.

Why was the salad sent home from school?

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It wasn’t dressed properly.

What is the name Tom short for?

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Tomato.

What do you call a person that has eaten a lot of beans?

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A human bean.

What do you call an American apple that did a semester of school in the Caribbean?

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A pineapple.

What is a firefighter’s favorite fruit?

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A watermelon.

Why did the berry turn red?

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It is shy and blushed because the tree watched it grow.

Why was the pitted olive off balance?

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He couldn’t find his center.

Why did the potato have to shower?

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It soiled itself.

What is the 9th month on the plant-based calendar?

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Cucumber.

What does the clementine want to be when they grow up?

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An orange.

Why did the fancy horse send back his meal to the kitchen?

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The oats weren’t steel cut.

What is the only egg a plant-based person can eat?

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An eggplant.

Why were the beans late to work at the salad bowl?

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They were stuck in a can.

What do you call an ape that loves apricots?

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An ape-ricot.

Why was the tomato so productive?

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It used the pomodoro technique.

What do you call a cucumber that loves the ocean?

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A sea cucumber.

Why didn’t the potato like sharing a plate with the vegan butter?

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It spread everywhere and made a mess.

What fruit do dragons love to eat?

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Dragon fruit.

Why did the ripe banana have an identity crisis?

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Because it was made into banana bread.