What is a dog’s favorite part of a tree?
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The bark.
What was the duck’s favorite snack?
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Peanut butter and quackers.
Why is the mushroom invited to so many parties?
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He’s a fun-gi.
What’s an Italian vegan’s favorite vegetable?
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Escarole.
Why do vegan couples always get permission to get married?
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Because they cantaloupe.
What did the Chinese chicken say?
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Bok, bok, bok, bok choooy.
Why was the loaf of rye bread in prison?
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He started a rye-ot.
Why did Jerry leave his job early at the soybean plant?
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It was temporary.
Why wasn’t the banana included in the fruit bar?
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Because they found him unappealing.
What do you call an old apple?
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A Granny Smith.
Why did the vegan need the Heimlich maneuver during his meal?
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He artichoke-d.
What is the yearly wage for a vegan called?
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A celery.
Why did the beet get a record deal?
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They’re a beet boxer.
What did the vegan Priest say to his congregation?
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Lettuce pray.
What do you call a girl that loves legumes?
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A chickpea.
Why was the salad sent home from school?
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It wasn’t dressed properly.
What’s the first thing a plant-based person hears in the morning?
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A bell pepper.
What is the name Tom short for?
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Tomato.
Why did the Baker lose the spelling bee?
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Because he spelt some words wrong.
Why did the teacher’s apple turn itself into juice?
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It couldn’t concentrate.
What do you call a human that has eaten a lot of beans?
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A human bean.
What do you call an American apple that did a semester of school in the Caribbean?
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A pineapple.
What is a Firefighter’s favorite fruit?
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A watermelon.
What forms of payment do they accept at the nut store?
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Cashew or charge.
Which veggie loves winter sports?
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Snow peas.
Why did the berry turn red?
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It is shy and blushed because the tree watched it grow.
Why was the pitted olive off balance?
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He couldn’t find his center.
Why did the potato have to shower?
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It soiled itself.
What is the 9th month on the plant-based calendar?
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Cucumber.
What do vegans do when they are down on their luck?
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They apply for lemon-aid.
What does the clementine want to be when they grow up?
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An orange.
Why are pandas dangerous?
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Because they’ve got bamboo shoots.
Why was the corn farmer lost?
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He was in a maize.
Why did the fancy horse send back his meal to the kitchen?
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The oats weren’t steel cut.
What do you call foods with a secret identity that also fight crime?
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A superfood.
What is the only egg a plant-based person can eat?
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An eggplant.
Why were the beans late to work at the salad bowl?
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They were stuck in a can.
Why was the biodegradable bag fired after 3 months on the job?
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They started to break down.
Why was the pasta transferred to another plate?
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It was noodling around on the job.
What do beavers and Carpenters have in common?
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They work with wood, have a strong work ethic and give a dam.
What did the plant-based electrician label the light switch?
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On-ion and off-ion.
Why do the oceans have waves?
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They’re waving “hello” to the land.
What do you call it when one fish sues another fish in a court of law?
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Sushi.
What do you call a tree that gives high fives?
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A palm tree.
What do you call an ape that loves apricots?
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An ape-ricot.
Why was the avocado round but otherwise healthy?
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They’re full of fiber and the good types of fat.
Why was the halloween pumpkin missing teeth?
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Because they got lots of candy trick-or-treating and ate too much.
What did the grape say to the raisin?
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Drink more water.
Why do kangaroos hop?
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Because they drank too much coffee.
Why do turtles and sloths move so slowly?
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They’re paid by the hour.
Why was the tomato so productive?
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It used the pomodoro technique.
Why does butter think its better than the other groceries?
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It has its own space in the fridge.
What do you call corn that listens to pop music?
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Popcorn.
What do you call a cucumber that loves the ocean?
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A sea cucumber.
Why didn’t the potato like sharing a plate with the vegan butter?
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It spread everywhere and made a mess.
What kitchen tool is similar to a carnival ride ride for vegetables?
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The salad spinner.
What do you call a fish from Hollywood?
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A starfish.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
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To escape the factory farm!
Why do bakers get up so early?
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They need to rise before the dough does.
What fruit do dragons love to eat?
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Dragon fruit.
What does a plant-based construction worker use to make sidewalks?
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Pome-granite (pomegranate).
How did the beans introduce themselves to the other veggies in the salad bowl?
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Soybean (I am bean).
Why did the ripe banana have an identity crisis?
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Because it was made into banana bread.
What did the lentil say to the carrot?
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“I’m full of protein and you’re mostly water. Do you even lift bro?“
Why is the ocean salty?
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It’s the salt from the tears of fish who are crying. They spent all their sand dollars on a bad investment!
Why can’t peeled garlic take a joke?
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It is too sensitive. It has no skin!
Why did the teabag turn green after the tea was stirred?
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They had motion sickness.
What do you call juice that can fight?
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A juice box.
What did the shoestring fries say to the curly fries?
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Straighten yourself out!
What was the first plant-based satellite called?
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Spudnik 1.
Why was the banana looking forward to the weekend?
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It’s in a banana sundae (Sunday).
If the singer Lou Bega became vegan, what would he change his name to?
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Rutabaga.
Why did the vegan call the plumber?
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Their pipes were full of leeks.🧅
What did the vegan interior designer use to cover the house walls?
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Walnuts.
How do Gardeners count to 4?
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One, two, tree, flower.
What is the name of the ancient plant-based martial art?
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Tofu.