Jokes

Why was the loaf of rye bread in prison?

He started a rye-ot.

Why wasn’t the banana included in the fruit bar?

Because they found him unappealing.

What do you call an old apple?

A Granny Smith.

What is the yearly wage for a vegan called?

A celery.

What did the vegan Priest say to his congregation?

Lettuce pray.

What is the name of the ancient plant-based martial art?

Tofu.

Why did Jerry leave his job at the soybean plant?

It was tempeh-rary.

What do you call a girl that loves legumes?

A chickpea.

Why was the salad sent home from school?

It wasn’t dressed properly. 

What’s the first thing a plant-based person hears in the morning?

 A bell pepper.

What is the name Tom short for?

Tomato.

Why did the Baker lose the spelling bee?

Because he spelt some words wrong.

Why did the teacher’s apple turn itself into juice? 

It couldn’t concentrate.

Why do vegan couples always get permission to get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

What do you call a human that has eaten a lot of beans?

A human bean.

What do you call an American apple that did a semester of school in the Caribbean?

A pineapple.

What is a Firefighter’s favorite fruit?

A watermelon.

What forms of payment do they accept at the nut store?

Cashew or charge.

Which veggie loves winter sports?

Snow peas.

Why did the berry turn red?

It is shy and blushed because the tree watched it grow.

Why was the pitted olive off balance?

He couldn’t find his center.

Why did the potato have to shower?

It soiled itself.

What is the 9th month on the plant-based calendar?

Cucumber.

What do vegans do when they are down on their luck?

They apply for lemon-aid.

What is a dog’s favorite part of a tree?

The bark.

What does the clementine want to be when they grow up?

An orange.

Why are pandas dangerous?

Because they’ve got bamboo shoots.

Why was the Corn Farmer lost?

He was in a maize.

Why did the fancy horse send back his meal to the kitchen?

The oats weren’t steel cut.

What do you call foods with a secret identity that also fight crime?

A superfood.

What is the only egg a plant-based person can eat?

An eggplant.

Why were the beans late to work at the salad bowl?

They were stuck in a can.

Why was the biodegradable bag fired after 3 months on the job?

They started to break down.

Why was the pasta transferred to another plate?

It was noodling around on the job.

What do beavers and Carpenters have in common?

They work with wood, have a strong work ethic and give a dam.

What did the plant-based electrician label the light switch?

On-ion and off-ion.

Why do the oceans have waves?

They’re waving “hello” to the land.

What do you call it when one fish sues another fish in a court of law?

Sushi.

What do you call a tree that gives high fives?

A palm tree. 

What do you call an ape that loves apricots?

An ape-ricot?

Why was the avocado round but otherwise healthy?

They’re full of fiber and the good types of fat.

How do you spot the ghost of a vegan?

They a-pear and dis-a-pear.

Why was the halloween pumpkin missing teeth?

Because they got lots of candy trick-or-treating and ate too much.

Why did the vegan need the Heimlich maneuver during his meal?

He artichoke-d.

What did the grape say to the raisin?

Drink more water.

Why do kangaroos hop?

Because they drank too much coffee.

Why do turtles and sloths move so slowly?

They’re paid by the hour.

What was the duck’s favorite snack?

Peanut butter and quackers.

Why was the tomato so productive?

It used the pomodoro technique.

Why does butter think its better than the other groceries?

It has its own space in the fridge.

What do you call corn that listens to pop music?

Popcorn.

What do you call a cucumber that loves the ocean?

A sea cucumber.

Why didn’t the potato like sharing a plate with the vegan butter?

It spread everywhere and made a mess.

What kitchen tool is similar to a carnival ride ride for vegetables?

The salad spinner.

What do you call a fish from Hollywood?

A starfish.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To escape the factory farm!

Why do bakers get up so early?

They need to rise before the dough does.

What fruit do dragons love to eat?

Dragon fruit.

Why is the mushroom invited to so many parties?

He’s a fun-gi.

What does a plant-based construction worker use to make sidewalks?

Pome-granite (pomegranate).

How did the beans introduce themselves to the other veggies in the salad bowl?

Soybean (I am bean).

Why did the ripe banana have an identity crisis?

Because it was made into banana bread.

What did the lentil say to the carrot?

I’m full of protein and you’re mostly water. Do you even lift bro?

Why is the ocean salty?

It’s the salt from the tears of fish who are crying. They spent all their sand dollars on a bad investment!

Why can’t peeled garlic take a joke?

It is too sensitive. It has no skin!

Why did the teabag turn green after the tea was stirred?

They had motion sickness.

What do you call juice that can fight?

A juice box.

Why did the beet get a record deal?

They’re a beet boxer.